Aftershocks...ripple effects...

It's been almost four years since he passed away.  I've rebuilt my life, bought a nice house in town, taking care of my dogs that I've always wanted, raising my son to the best of my ability, in a relationship with a nice man....decided to start school again.  I started CNA school and am enrolled in college for the fall.  My daughter is expecting twins...my first grandbabies.  I can't tell you how excited I am and how scared I am too!  I want to be there to help her..I want to live close by...so I decided to move.  This decision wasn't an easy one.  There are so many things involved.  I had to make a choice to get rid of two of my babies.  This is the hardest part...they leave today and it breaks my heart because I feel like I've let them down, I'm letting myself down and I'm letting my son down.

Time To Breath!

Wow!  Where do I begin?  I was dating this really great guy, but recently we decided to take a break.  He ended up having a full plate and it left no time for me.  But this blog isn't about him really or our relationship.  It's about me and what I learned about myself.
I need to be by myself and trust that I can take care of myself and my son.  I'm afraid that if I get into a relationship it will be for the wrong reasons.  Reasons that I will find just cause to suite the needs at the moment, but will it be a sustainable, long term commitment?  Will it be because the man I'm with can take care of me and I won't have to do this all alone?  Or will it be because I truly love and am in love with him.  Can I trust myself??  Or would I be cheating the man and myself?  These are hard questions and only I and the man I'm with can truthfully answer.
After a few days I realized that I don't have much of a life... sure I go to work, have friends, take care of my house and son.  My job is only part time, my friends are married and busy with their families, my son is old enough to not need my undivided attention all day or night.  Where does that leave me?  Don't get me wrong I'm not bored.  I love to read and sew...but I'm talking about outside this house.
I find it difficult to go out and maybe have a glass of wine by myself...for one, I live in a rural area so not much going on around this area and not many people are out and about on the weeknights and two, I find it uncomfortable just sitting there by myself.  No one to talk to, no live music to listen to.  How do you attract someone by just sitting there?  And I will not leave my thirteen year old son to travel an hour to find something to do in the evening.

Going back to school...third times the charm?!

I've decided to go back to college...third times the charm right?!  I have been toying with the idea for some time now and decided to just go for it.  I feel like I'm in a better state of mind and stronger than I've ever been before.
Last week I registered to attend and signed up for financial aid.  I spoke to a counselor and have another meeting at the end of the month.  I will sign up for classes as soon as they open it up to do so.
Wish me luck!!

Sleeplessness...is dragging me down!

After Terry passed away I couldn't sleep through the night.  I didn't have a problem going to sleep, it was staying asleep that was an issue.  Waking up for several years around two a.m. to turn Terry had changed my bodies patterns.  After struggling with this for several months I decided I needed some help.  I contacted a local naturalist and he prescribed something to help.  Within two weeks I noticed I was sleeping through the night and continued to take them for an additional six months.  I decided that I would try to go without them and see if my problem returned.  I went without them and it wasn't until Raymond's passing that I started having problems again.  It has been nine months and I'm not sleeping through the night.   A friend of mine suggested I take Moon Drops.  These are a natural homeopathic sleep aid.  I just found them on Amazon.com and ordered them.  I'll let you know if they work.

They didn't work.  I have had this ongoing issue and some nights I sleep through the night and some nights I don't.

Spray painting

I took on the challenge of spray painting my television cabinet!  It used to be white and I've spray painted it black to match the bookcases I purchased at Ikea.  This is my first spray painting job and although it isn't perfect by any means it will do nicely.  The cabinet was taken apart and has taken me a couple of weeks because I do not have the space to spray each piece at the same time. I have to spray paint one piece and let it dry for several days before I can move on.  I hadn't realized I'd spray painted one of the pieces for the back on the wrong side.  It was when I was reassembling it that I discovered my mistake.  And while I was reassembling it one of the feet had fallen off (it had been carelessly stapled onto the bottom by the company), so I couldn't take the piece into the garage without the cabinet falling over.  With help I carried the cabinet in its entirety to the garage, set it against the garage door and spray painted it again.  Once it's dry I'll carefully turn it over and reattach the feet.