Christmas Eve

It's Christmas Eve!  I spent my day doing a couple loads of laundry.  Not ordinary everyday clothes kind of laundry.  I always wash new fabric when I get it and yesterday I purchased two flannels to make Hunter some new jammy pants.  I've made his jammies since he was little and he refuses to want/wear any store bought kind.  Although I'm sure if I or any one else were to buy him a pair or two he would not refuse them out of courtesy and kindness to the giver.  He just prefers the ones I make.  They are not complicated and other than being made by me are nothing special.  Interestingly enough there wasn't much to choose from print wise for boys.  Since the local JoAnn's became a super store it seems they are showcasing more arts and craft wares than fabrics.  The store may be larger, but the results are not satisfying to us sewers as the print on the fabrics are few, unless your a girl which would stand to reason since majority of the sewers are indeed female.  After showing Hunter my choices he questioned the theme...ha ha...they are both Native American prints(according to him).  It was that or sports!
After washing, drying and folding the flannel in such a way to assist with keeping it smooth they are now ready to be laid out, pinned, cut and sewn into jammies.  I'll be working on them the day after tomorrow.  I've been thinking more and more about getting my quilt room in order!!!

I also washed the clean bedding to freshen them up for Felicia and Luke's stay.

Hunter and I took the dogs for a short walk.  It was a beautiful day for it too.  Not too chilly!  The sun shone brightly.  I always feel better after a walk.  We have been very fortunate this year to have quite a few days like today...unseasonably warmer in my opinion.
After the walk, I came home and made an onion....pizza/tart kind of thing. I saw someone on Food Network make one the other day and I can't remember exactly what she called it.  Hers had caramelized onions, anchovies and what looked like olives (although she used a different label, so not sure).  Mine had onions and perchueto (spelling is way off on this one I'm sure--italian ham) and mozzarella cheese.  It was quite yummy if I do say so myself.  I wish I'd thought to take a picture of it before diving in.

I'm kind of lonely tonight and look forward to seeing my kids.  I wish the older boys could have been here, but that isn't going to happen and I'll just have to think about visiting them. I'm sad too, but I won't go there tonight...not tonight.

I haven't done much baking this year for Christmas....I don't know why exactly.  I'm still getting settled and there is a lot to do still.  I'm still getting acquainted with my kitchen.   And I needed a rolling pin....enough with the excuses I just haven't been in the roll my sleeves up and get to baking mood.  I did make my dad some oatmeal raisin cookies.  I substituted half of the flour for whole wheat and Blue Agave for the sugar.  I also added finely chopped walnuts to the batter.  He enjoyed them! I plan on baking something to take to the guys down in Rainier at the auto fix it place...ummm...Exhaust and Tire Shop, I think that's the name.  Anyway they have always been great to me and I want to treat them to a goody now and then.  I have to time it just right as it cost me a tank of gas and with the cost of gas we are talking $20 a trip!  To some that isn't much, but right now I don't have the luxury to throw that kind of money into my tank for frivolous trips.  I have to go to Longview and when I do I'll make sure to have the goody to take with me.

Holiday Hardships

It's been three years...three Christmas's without him. Honestly I don't know if there is an easier time of year to be without him...it just sucks all the time.  What I've learned is the pain is always there, you just learn to live/to cope better with time.  The holidays...Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays...are harder to suck it up and not give in to the gnawing of the pain that exist in my soul.  A struggle of emotion is at the surface and is threatening to rush up and over and I have to take deep breaths and shove it back down so I can continue to be happy with my life and show my son that we can survive and thrive without his dad being here.

Speaking of my son...he is growing quickly...in a matter of a few weeks he's grown an inch and three quarters! Before I know it he will be taller than I am!  And that is no small feat, as I'm five eight.  He is growing to be quite the young man.  I'm proud of him and I know that Terry would be very proud of him too.

Hunter exclaimed to me that he didn't really remember his dad...although he had no problem remembering the chair.  I told him not to worry because each time he looked in the mirror his dad would be looking back, each time he shoved his hands in his pockets, or walked, or spoke...would be is dad all over again.  I try to tell him stories and little details about his dad when he wants to talk about him. And there are some pictures and videos when he wants to see them.  Until that time I won't push.

Once again God has changed my plans.

Who would have known that I'd still be in Clatskanie? My plans were to move three thousand miles away to be with my love. God had other plans for me.

June 6, 2011, two days prior to my moving truck arriving my love suffered a major stroke and died instantly. My house was sold and I was standing there in the middle of rows of boxes and knew it was time to move. I was left grieving and scrambling to pick up my shattered world once again. At first I attempted to buy a house in the Longview, Washington area, but kept hitting road block after road block. I mentioned to someone in my area about my house hunting and she told me about a house in my local area, within my price range. What did I have to lose? I decided to take a look at the house and fell in love with it. Everything fell right into place and I knew God wanted me here! I don't know what plans he has for me, but I know without a doubt God has blessed me even under the circumstances.

This will be our first Christmas in our new house! I praise God.