It's been three years...three Christmas's without him. Honestly I don't know if there is an easier time of year to be without him...it just sucks all the time. What I've learned is the pain is always there, you just learn to live/to cope better with time. The holidays...Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays...are harder to suck it up and not give in to the gnawing of the pain that exist in my soul. A struggle of emotion is at the surface and is threatening to rush up and over and I have to take deep breaths and shove it back down so I can continue to be happy with my life and show my son that we can survive and thrive without his dad being here.
Speaking of my son...he is growing quickly...in a matter of a few weeks he's grown an inch and three quarters! Before I know it he will be taller than I am! And that is no small feat, as I'm five eight. He is growing to be quite the young man. I'm proud of him and I know that Terry would be very proud of him too.
Hunter exclaimed to me that he didn't really remember his dad...although he had no problem remembering the chair. I told him not to worry because each time he looked in the mirror his dad would be looking back, each time he shoved his hands in his pockets, or walked, or spoke...would be is dad all over again. I try to tell him stories and little details about his dad when he wants to talk about him. And there are some pictures and videos when he wants to see them. Until that time I won't push.
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