It's getting closer to his birthday and Spring. His spirits would always rise this time of year with the anticipation of Summer approaching. I think about him everyday. There are days I go without crying and then I will have days that I cry a little everyday. I miss him and I'm lonely without him. My world is fast moving around me and I'm trying to keep up.

I hate relying on others to get things done. It was different with him, he had the knowledge, the tools and the strength (with my help) to keep this place up. I see things crumbling around me and I want to get these things repaired promptly and correctly and in order to get these things done I have to wait for others....it drives me crazy. The funny thing is even if he were alive he was too sick and crippled to be able to do anything...I remember and want to remember the times he was healthy and able to do the things he loved to do. Reality is a different story and as much as I want to remember him being healthy, the truth is he wasn't!

I don't have him to rely on anymore, just myself and those that I know who are capable to do the things that I need to get done. Patience has to be practiced here.

There is always a price to pay.